"You, you aren't magical. Stop saying "Change" like some kind of supernatural hobo!"
"As for you, well, being a POW does not get you a bye on having to think, and remember shit. If that was the case, then every POW from Vietnam is exactly as deserving of the presidency as you are. Unless you're willing to concede that, STFU about it already, you shit all over other POWs every time you use that as your "Get Out Of Jail Free" card. Keep it up, and I'll start calling you John McGuliani"
Oh, the screaming would last far into the night, but what a merry, merry time we'd have!