bynkii (bynkii) wrote,


I'll probably throw a pointer or two to this in a couple of places. But since a LOT of people talk about them, and have some very messed-up ideas on's the story of mine.

Some backstory:

At the time, I was 37, divorced, with a ten year old son. He's an only child, so am I. So I don't see why it's a big deal. But dude, I'm SO not going to be near - 40 and dealing with diapers again. Besides, Alex was damn near comatose as an infant. No six months, he slept, including naps, like 14 hours a day. Exactly what are the chances of THAT repeating? Right, that's what I thought.

On with the clippage...

So I make the appointment and it happens in three stages:
  1. Get the pre-exam. You stand with your pants around your ankles, while a doc squeezes your snarglies. Now the doc had a firm, gentle touch, and kind eyes, but man, someone lays a vise - like grip on your snarglies, and you will notice. but once that was done, we scheduled the actual knifing and I went home.
  2. Go in for the knifing. poorheather drives me to the doc's office, we go up to the waiting room. I get called in, she sits and watches me get my BP taken, etc. Then she gets evicted, says she's going to get some breakfast from Dunkin' Donuts. Start the stopwatches. I drop my drawers, put on that fuckin' paper gown and lay back, while the nurse scrubs my privates with a wonderfully disarming combination of Betadine and LIQUID - FUCKING - HELIUM. Well, okay, it wasn't that cold, but pretty goddamned close. So, the doc comes in, I lay back, he's very happy that I followed his checklist. Specifically, that I shaved my pubes correctly. I don't get this one. The dude is going to be COMING AT YOUR SCROT' with a SCALPEL? DON'T PISS HIM OFF! Really, it's not that big a deal. A little tedious, but not bad!. So, he hits me with the local, and I tell him that it takes longer with me for it to kick in. The nurse asks me if I want a mirror or to sit up a bit so I can watch. Obviously a female, because NO MAN WOULD ASK THAT! The doc kinda chuckled as I said, ", I'm fine with the view of the ceiling. Really." So a little later he's probing around and I feel a pinch, and I say, "Hitting me with some more local?" He smiles, "Nope, just finishing up the first side." O.O...holy shit, this dude works smooooooth! About two minutes later, he's stitching away. I get the final instructions..."Keep them iced and don't have sex for two weeks." Like man, it looks like you stabbed my nuts with a board and nail combo...fuck that, I don't even want to PEE for two weeks. He recommended the "3-beer" method. That's where you have a cold beer on your crotch, one in your hand, and one in the cooler. When you finish, the one on your crotch goes into your hand, and you replace it with one from the cooler. He said that's what he did when he got his. I verrrrrrrrrrrrrrrry slowly ease on into the waiting room and call poorheather, who had not had time to get her breakfast. Stop the watches. This all took about 15 minutes, if that long. Two weeks later, I looked pretty much back to normal.
  3. Go back in to the doc's office two months later to drop off a sperm(less) sample and get checked. Dr. ViceGrip checks, and it's all good. All the swimmers have quit the team. I'm sterile...woohoo!

It was simply, as painless as can be, and a much better alternative to making your wife/girlfriend/SO get a tubal. Anyone who thinks it dampens your sex drive is ignorant or a moron. Anyone who refuses to get one because he'll be less of a man is a moron.

I've had zero problems. I'm very happy I got it. One recommendation. Make the doc yank at least an inch of tubing. Mine did that as a matter of course. If the tube is just cut, and the ends are laying too close together, they can grow back together. Don't have to repeat the process because of a moment of inattention.

If you're male, and done having kids, get clipped. It's well worth it.
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