bynkii (bynkii) wrote,

Because I've lived in too many places for long periods of time...

You Know You're From Florida When...

You own at least five pairs of flip flops
real floridians only have one, and you wear them until the straps break. If you have multiple pairs, you're either living in Palm Beach, in West Palm with the wannabes, or a tourist

You know someone who's been struck by lightning
and have had a near hit or two

You're more scared of the freaks who live down the street than gators

Your backyard is sometimes a swamp

You're officially sick of Disney

You shrug off hurricane warnings

You've been permanently blinded by fat men in speedos

There are only two seasons - hot and hotter

You've drank a flaming alligator.

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Florida.

and now the next one...

You Know You're From North Dakota When...

Vacation means going to Medora.

You've seen all the biggest bands, 20 yrs after they were popular.

East means to Fargo.

You know several people who have hit a buffalo.

You've ridden the school bus for an hour each way.

You only lock your car in August, so it doesn't get filled with zucchini.

You think 4 major food groups are: beef, chokecherry wine, pork and Jell-O with marshmallows.

You carry a blizzard survival kit in your car 12 months a year.

You find 3 feet of snow a minor inconvenience.

You know if another North Dakotan is from southern, middle or northern ND as soon as
they open their mouth.

There is a Dairy Queen in every town with a population of 1000 or more, but McDonalds are spread
out every 100 miles.

You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.

You know Ole & Lena personally.

Though your not breaking the law, you break into a cold sweat when to game warden appears.

You owe more money on your snowmobile than your car.

You find it exciting to stare through a hole in the ice and look at the bottom.

You can tell the difference between a gopher and a chipmunk at 300 yards.

You think white rice is exotic and wild rice is hot dish.

Somewhere in the state is a piece of frozen metal with bits of your tongue stuck to it.

When you win the prize for the smallest fish, you're proud of it.

You hate "Fargo" but realize your entire family has the accent.

People borrow things to you.

You keep the snow tires on your truck all year because it isn't worth taking them off for only
two months.

You are proud that your state makes the national news 96 nights each year because Bismarck is
the coldest spot in the nation.

You think a basketball team consists of twelve white boys.

Someone in a store offers you assistance, and they don't work there.

You're polite to telemarketers.

You have a nickname for your chain saw and you pat it on the fuel tank at the end of a hard
day's sawing.

You may not have actually eaten it, but you have heard of Lutefisk.

You go to a high school basketball game, the score is 12-8 at halftime... and you don't think
there's anything strange about that.

You know how to say Fargo and Minot.

You never had to rewind any part of "Fargo" because you missed some of the dialogue.

Your town isn't trying to be ironic when it plans a "Winter Carnival."

Your bank has the name of your town included in its name.

You think that "UFF DA" is a standard English phrase.

You can recite, from memory, more than a half-dozen "Ole and Lena" jokes.

Every time you see moonlight on a lake you think of a dancing bear, and sing, gently, "From the
land of sky-blue waters... Hamm's, the beer refreshing. Hamm's, the beer refreshing."

Your dog dies, you lose your job, and your car breaks down, all on the same day, and the first
thought that comes to your mind is, "It could be worse!"

Your definition of a small town is one that has only one bar.

"Down south" means Aberdeen.

You have no problem spelling "Wahpeton".

You expect to be excused from school for deer hunting season and harvesting.

Your soup du jour at your hometown cafe is always beer cheese or knoephla.

You think of something other than the Bible when you hear the words "Great Flood".

You drive to town during a blizzard just to see if the weatherman knows what he's talking about.

You assume everyone has seen northern lights and sundogs.

You cry when a tree is cut down but complain when a new one is planted because it blocks the view.

You think cold weather gear is a bottle of schnapps.

After you discuss the weather, conversation declines.

You understand "AYH, y'betchyah" means either "I agree" or "You're full of it" and know the difference.

You grew up thinking rice was only for dessert.

You think that ketchup is a little too spicy.

You didn't know there was a Red River Valley in Texas

The band you choose for your wedding has to know rock, country, and polkas.

Young boys still get BB guns for Christmas.

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from North Dakota.

and finally...

You Know You're From Massachusetts When...

The person driving in front of you is going 70 mph and you are cursing him for going too slow.

When ordering a tonic, you mean a Coke...not quinine water.

You actually enjoy driving around rotaries.

You almost feel disappointed when someone doesn't flip you the bird when you cut them off or steal their parking space.

You know how to pronounce the names of towns like Worcester, Billerica, Haverhill, Barre and Cotuit.

You have driven to New Hampshire on a Sunday in order to get beer.

You know that there are two Bulger brothers, and that they're both crooks.

You know what they sell at a packie.

You know at least one bar where you can get something to drink after last call.

You can actually find your way around Boston.

Evacuation Day is a recognized holiday.

You know what First Night is.

You know at least one guy named Sean, Pat, Whitey, Red, Bud or Seamus.

You think the rest of the country owes you for Thanksgiving and Independence Day.

You have never been to Cheers.

When the words 'WICKED' and 'GOOD' go together.

You knew that there was no chance in hell that the Pats would move to Hartford.

You have gone to at least one party at UMass.

The curse of the Bambino is taught in public schools.

You own a "Yankees Suck" shirt or hat.

You think Doug Flutie is the greatest athlete ever.

You remember exactly where you were when the ball rolled through Buckner's legs.

You pray for the Red Sox to win the World Series not this season, but in your lifetime.

You know how to make a frappe.

You know that "Big Dig" is also a kind of ice cream you can get at Brigham's.

You actually know how to merge from 6 lanes of traffic down to one.

You never go to "Cape Cod", you go "down the Cape".

You think that Roger Clemens, Wade Boggs and Derek Jeter are more evil than Whitey Bulger.

You went to Old Sturbridge Village, Plymouth Plantation, or both, on field trip in grammar school.

You're aware that there is a town, somewhere in Massachusetts, named Brimfield where they have the biggest outdoor antique market in the world.

You can drive to the mountains and the ocean all in one day.

You know that the Mass Pike is some sort of strange weather dividing line.

You know that P-Town isn't the name of a new rap group.

You know that Ludlow is 90% Portuguese and that Fall River is 90% Lebanese.

You do not recognize the letter "R" as a part of the English language.

You've called something "wicked pissa"

You have driven to either Rhode Island, New Hampshire or Vermont for a tattoo.

You see people like Steven Tyler (Aerosmith), Dicky Barret (The Mighty, Mighty Bosstones), and Evan Dando (The Lemonheads) in the local supermarket and it doesn't phase you.

You've slammed on your brakes to deter a tailgater

Know at least three Tony's, one Vinnie and a Frank(ie)

Paranoia sets in if you can't see a Dunkin Donuts, ATM or CVS within eyeshot at all times.

You keep an ice scraper and can of de-icer on the floor of your car...year round

You still try to order curly fries from Burger King

You order iced coffee in January

You know what candlepin bowling is

You drive 45 minutes to New Hampshire to save $5 in sales tax

You've pulled out of a side street and used your car to block oncoming traffic so you can make a left.

You've bragged about the money you've saved at The Christmas Tree Shop

You know what a "regular" coffee is

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Massachusetts.


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