January 17th, 2005

monk john

Advice Guy

Okay, so having been a fan of advice columns for ages, I realized that nine times out of ten, we don't need to be told what to do. We need to hear what we already know from someone who isn't a part of the particular situation. Not a disinterested observer per se, but rather one about five feet away, with a different POV.

It's not all that hard to give good advice, especially if you tend to think you're right anyway.

So what the hell, ask me for advice on something that's bugging you, I'll dispense sage wisdom, or at least the closest I can come.

Now, some caveats:

  1. I'm not a lawyer. If it sounds like you should get competent, (in the legal sense of the word), I'm going to tell you to contact a lawyer. The law is insanely complex and counterintuitive, and I'm totally unqualified, along with not legally able to give you legal advice. But if I tell you to talk to a lawyer, that's my advice.

  2. The same with medical tips. First aid? Sure, that I'll tackle. What that lump on your elbow is? Go see a doc. They're good at what they do, and that's why they get paid well.

  3. I'm not Dear Abby. I'm probably closer to a hetero Dan Savage, with a bit of R. Lee Ermy on the side. I have no problem telling you that your problem may just be related to the fact that you're acting kind of dumb. We all do dumb things. Accept your inner moron, and life gets much easier.

So ask, or don't. It's not like I get paid for this.