bynkii (bynkii) wrote,

Please make him stop

Lucas that is. George Lucas.

Take away his film privileges. He sucks, and he's a total OCD imbecile who doesn't understand that sometimes, it's the imperfections, and the things you may not like about a work of art that make it something more.

First, and this must me said now, he's a shitty director. Before all the examples to prove me wrong start up, he's a shit director. What he IS good at, or used to be anyway, is editing. All those examples you want to prove me wrong with? American Graffiti? The first Star Wars film? Editing. I mean for the love of god, he made Suzanne Somers look like she could act. Alfred Hitchcock, who could out direct Lucas thirty years after his death couldn't have done that. Early Lucas flicks are tours de force of editing wizardry. The ones that don't suck.

But please, don't try to tell me that Star Wars, (by this I mean, Episode IV, A New Hope. When someone who's 37 says Star Wars, we only mean one movie) is a masterwork of editing. All the great acting happened in spite of Lucas, not because of him. Face it, Harrison Ford was, and is, a great actor. Alec Guiness? Great Actor. The were also big enough to not have to put up with a lot of Lucas' shit if they chose not to. Alas, poor Liam Neeson was not in that position. Bet he's glad he died off quick. However, for those of you who think Lucas is a great director, and insist on using Star Wars as an example, I give you Leia's Amazing Disappearing Accent. Early in the film, she had this really awful, (almost Winona Rider in Dracula awful) sorta-British accent: The tighter you make your grip the more systems will slip through your fingers. By her next major scene, she's just dropped that: Hey! Ain't youse a little short for a Storm Trooper? A Great Director keeps track of shit like that.

As well, he keeps thinking that if he fucks with the movies enough, he'll make them perfect. Well, no, he won't. But his ego, and his pathetically stupid belief in technology as the magic spell of not-sucking won't let him realize this. I saw his huge re-edited explosion for Star Wars. A big fucking ring. Big deal. Now, had he made it look like the explosion of the Nostromo in Alien, that would have been worth the effort. Now, sometimes, it's not total suckage. The added Jabba scenes? Okay, nice background. A little redundant, but not evilly so. But the whole Han shot last, now Han shot at the same time thing? Gimme a fuckin' break.

A major part of a movie is character development. One of the best examples of those was Han Solo. At the beginning of the movie, he's a smuggler, in trouble over money, and quite honestly, will shoot your ass dead if he thinks he has to. Won't bother him a bit. He's a self-centered criminal. Note: This was specifically stated in the book version of Star Wars: Everyone knew you never let Han Solo's hands out of sight. Han was not a nice guy. He wasn't utter scum, but he wasn't a nice guy either. Any nobility had been quashed by the realities of his life. But through the movie, and through the first three movies, we see him grow. His nobility rises again. He remembers that money isn't everything, and some things are worth dying for, (contrary to his earlier statements), or even getting frozen in Carbonite for. That's what character development is, and for a long time, Han was a fantastic example of it.

Lucas went and really fucked that up, although he backed off a bit. Now, Han's a good guy from the start. What, he's undercover as a smuggler? If he's that good of a guy, then being a smuggler and working for scum like Jabba makes no fucking sense. He's no longer a character, he's just a plot device for Luke.

Luke gets it in the ass from the magic wand of re-editing too, although supposedly this has been fixed.

I am of course, talking about The Scream.

In The Empire Strikes Back, during his fight with Vader. When Vader reveals that he is Luke's father. It's a powerful scene, since most of what Luke believes has just been crapped on. His entire life is upside down, and, oh yeah, he's kinda fighting for his life, and his hand's been chopped off. So he has a hard choice. Join the Dark Side, or die. He chooses, and silently takes the header off the platform. Vader rushes to the edge, but to no avail. There's a lingering shot of Vader, and we wonder what he's thinking. (Of course, with what Lucas did to The Force, I wonder why Vader didn't just levitate his ass back up, but that's a later paragraph.) Then in the VCR re-release, Luke screams as he falls off the platform. Well goody. Now, it's no longer a noble sacrifice, another example of being willing to die for what you feel is good and proper. No, he what, slipped? He wanted to chat with Vader more? Gimme a break. If the information about The Scream being taken out are true, then good. Because it was stupid and petty. Sorry George, but everyone's right, Empire really is the best of the series and I don't see Episode III changing that. But then, Empire had a good director. Oh, and the re-engineering of Hayden Christensen into the first movie? WTF, Vader never aged in the suit? He was 19 until he died? Gimme a fuckin' break. He SHOULD look older than oh, HIS SON.

Also don't give me any crap about how "Well that's the age he was before he became evil." No dumbass, that's the age he was at when he was too whiny, foolish and stupid, and went over to The Dark Side because he was an overpowered little whiny bitch. You DO remember where he finds redemption? That whole scene in Return of the Jedi? " me?" He sees that his entire life since going to The Dark Side has been a waste, an unending cry of rage and fury, and it's about to kill the only thing he ever did that was worth a crap.

He couldn't have done that at nineteen. If he had, he wouldn't have become Vader. It was the older Anakin who was able to marshal the strength to rise up and say No more. My evil ends here. He died to save the life he had created, the only time he had created life, (along with Leia), and not destroyed. It's why his request to Luke to remove his helmet so that he can finally see his child with his own eyes, not filtered through Vader's shell is so powerful. It is Anakin we see laying there in the remains of the Death Star as it falls apart around him. It could be said that it was perhaps the only time we get to see Anakin finally being the Jedi he could have been, at last freed of the rage and hatred that formed his early years, and made becoming Vader a given. That is why it is fitting that, in that final scene with Kenobi and Yoda, we see Anakin as he should have been, as he could have been if he had only had more strength of soul when he was younger. Seeing the whiny bitch who had a bad day and helped kill billions is an insult to the strength that the redeemed Anakin had finally found within himself.

In every act of creation, there's the temptation to keep making it better. This temptation must of course be resisted. At some point, you declare it done. Not perfect, but done. You let it go and move on. If there are things you don't like, apply the lessons learned to your next work of art.

As far as the first three movies in the set go, utter crap, all of them, even the ones I haven't seen all of , or have even been released yet. As examples:

The Force now makes you Superman. You can fly, you can shoot lasers, deflect bullets. Probably gives you a bigger winky too. Or for female Jedi, nicer boobs. I dunno, it's a fucking joke now. The Force no longer makes you one with the universe, it makes you a super hero. Of course, the re-directing of The Force into the ultimate Deus Ex Machina pales next to teh stupidity that are midi-chlorians.

I literally could not believe that Lucas did this. So now, being one with The Force means you have a higher concentration of microscopic organisms in your bloodstream? What, is The Force now a form of dysentery? It would explain the crap that passes for Jedi Dialogue but holy shit, this is moronic, and insults the intelligence of every viewer. George, here's another tip: You don't have to explain everything. We don't need to know the mechanics of The Force. That one scene where they talk about Anakin's midi-chlorian count? Fucking crapola. Trust your audience George. We can live with The Force being mysterious. In fact, it makes The Force cooler. This midi-chlorian bullshit makes it sound like you can get The Force from drinking untreated water. So, instead of The Force being a mysterious thing, it's a disease brought on by micro-organisms. Just fucking great. Have chronic diarrhea? You may be a Jedi.

But that's minor. Take a look at what Lucas does to the actors in Episodes 1 & 2. Liam Neeson? Boring. Samuel L. Jackson? Boring. That's right, Lucas made Samuel L. Jackson boring. The dialog between Anakin and Amidala, (I saw a few parts of Episode 2, and I almost puked)? it were any more wooden, it would be Star Trek V. "I...Love...You...Ami...Da-la" BARF. Christ, why bother using humans at all? Oh wait, Jar-Jar, never mind.

But the fight scenes are the worst. He couldn't even be bothered to choreograph the fight scenes properly. In the final fight with Darth Maul in Episode 1, really look at the action. Ray Park is almost moving in stop motion to let the other two catch up. If that's how bad Jedi fight no wonder they all got massacred. A shitty Tae Kwon Do school could do it. I watched the battle between Jango Fett, and Samuel Jackson...okay, so yes, Jackson's character is an uber - Jedi master. But he's fighting Jango Fett. The Baddest Bounty Hunter Anywhere. He's killed Jedi. I'm not saying Fett should have won, I'm saying it should have been a close fight. Not "Swish-swash, and Fett's head rolls away." That was just bullshit.

But the worst was Yoda. Yeah, I wanted to see Yoda fight. Who hasn't. But I'm also a martial artist, have been for over a decade. What you realize is that as you work with folks who have been doing this for say, over half a century is that they don't waste movement. The better they get, the more economy of motion. There's no grand gestures anymore. Watch videos of the master who founded Aikido. No great movements, but people get laid out. That's a Master...they use their art unconsciously in everything they do, and when they are actively using it, you can barely see some of what they do. So I'm looking for something that shows Yoda as the Master he is, because even at that point, he's been doing it for what, 700 years? Even fighting Count Dooku. (DOOKU? Holy crap George, don't just HAND South Park the parody..."Howdy-ho everybody, I'm Count Dooky, the evil Jedi Master") I am hoping for this economy of motion from someone who is a part of The Force at levels that no other Jedi can comprehend. From someone who has transcended anger and hatred.

I'm a complete fucking moron for thinking Lucas could do that.

Instead I get a methed-out cricket with a glow stick. Boing, boing, screaming, yelling, boing boing, and then, he can't even kick Dooku's ass while holding up a building. I guess he can only do that on Dagobah. What a pile of shit.

Looking at the previews for Episode 3? Same thing. Vader pivoting up on the table with his hands clamped up beside his he looks like an overly effeminate flamer getting a surprise. "OOOOOooohh...I get a LIGHT SABER!!!!" The emperor attacking people, looking like Freddy Kreuger in bad robes. Fuck no. I refuse to give Lucas my money, or even my time. I honestly hope it gets pirated all to hell and no one sees it in the theater. Losing money seems to be the only thing Lucas understands.

Fuck you George, for being such an egotisical cockwad and ruining something that a long time ago, was really really cool.

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