bynkii (bynkii) wrote,
bynkii
bynkii

I wonder how this will change things

I get done reading VAs story of her early teens, and I wonder:
How many people are going to change their opinion of her because of her childhood?
yes, yes, assuming it's true. What's the point otherwise?

I wonder how many people are now going to view her as a wounded bird, and decide that "Oh no, that's not really her opinion, that's her hard life talking." I'd like to think not many. I'd like to think that if you thought she was a horrid bitch beforehand that you think she's now a horrid bitch with a hard life now. Because suddenly giving her a bye on what you previously thought of as unacceptable behavior just because she had a hard life is bullshit.

I know, perhaps unsurprisingly, a lot of people who have had horrific lives at one point. A few were on the same scale as VA's background. They have all dealt with it in their own way. Some through therapy, some through chemicals, some just got through it, realized it was fucked up and moved on. One day, I may talk about my own past here, but don't bet on it.

The reason I'm probably not going to talk about my past is the reason these friends of mine don't casually talk about theirs: wounded bird syndrome. Because as soon as you reveal something like that about yourself, it's like people dismiss you. "Oh, you poor wounded bird, you had such a hard life, you can't be held responsible for your actions." Get angry? You're still not over your trauma. Depressed about something? You still need therapy for your life. Being snarky? Oh, you're emotionally stunted from your childhood.

It's crap. It's saying that any emotional reaction you have is centered on this one part of your life. Anytime you're in a bad mood, it's because of your hard life. Anytime you're in a good mood, it's either in spite of your hard life, or even worse, because you're in denial of your hard life. It's not that you can't get past your past, it's that the people who know about your past won't let you.

I know this sounds weird, but you have the right to assume responsibility for being an asshole, a jerk, a bitch, a dick, whatever. You have the right to have a shit day for the same reason that people without traumatic pasts have shit days. You have the right to be judged on who you are now, not what your past was.

If V. was a no-good cuntrag BEFORE telling you about her past, that hasn't changed. You may have more information as to possible causes, but she's still a no-good cuntrag. Having a hard life didn't sanctify her.

If it's wrong to demonize someone for things beyond their control, it's wrong to deify them for the same reason. We all have the right to the full range of emotions and behaviors for the same infinite reasons. People are more than a bad experience or past. People are more than wounded birds.
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